Already, the parental load what is it?
The mental load
First, there is this concept of mental load.
In summary: everyday life lives in our brains in an almost permanent way (according to people) races, cleaning, calling the hairdresser to make an appointment, what do we eat? Where do we go on vacation this year?
This burden is more or less distributed between people living in a home, couple, roommates ...
For more details, we refer you to this work of the illustrator and author Emma who explains it very well right here.
Parental load
By becoming parents, we become responsible for a small human being (also called a child, baby, comforter, mamour, etc.), this mental burden then increases.
It is logical, the baby does not know how to manage himself, he cannot think himself of buying his diapers, his milk or making his appointment for the 6 months visit ...
This organization, this additional "mental charge" is therefore added to a daily basis and causes an evolution of the mental charge in parental load.
The different aspects of the parental load
For some, the parental charge is a purely practical "concern": organization of everyday life, planning meals, activities, etc. With a millimeter agenda, we are doing very well!
Alas, there are many other facets to this parental load.
The concern to do well
Yep, as soon as Madam is pregnant, the couple is often subject to the beginnings of the parental load:
- I ate an outdated two -day yogurt?
- She mounted the laundry basket on her own, will it be going?
- Will this baby love me?
- Which car seat to choose?
- How to arrange the room?
- Breastfeeding or bottle?
So many questions are jostling in our heads, but not only harmless conversations with family or friends often add oil to fire ...
Parental guilt
Often, this parental charge, bringing a state of discomfort or stress, also causes this famous feeling that any parent will one day know: guilt.
After all, we wanted to be a parent, so why do we complain about having so much to think?
Not to mention that you have probably heard people out the famous "Ha, you wanted it, you got it! When you have had the cheek to complain about you no longer know what to do.
First of all, this feeling is quite human and natural, although unpleasant, we agree.
But know that this guilt proves that you feel empathy towards your children: a desire to do the best you can!
And this is the essentials of the role of parent: to do their best, be careful not to let guilty burn you on a daily basis ...
Parental exhaustion, burnout
As if your overloaded week and the hubbub of your thoughts were not enough, now N ° 1 decided to prick the favorite toy of n ° 3, which begins to scream while n ° 2 rebuilds you the song of the queen of Neiges with choreographic interpretation please and that your partner comes in by asking what you eat and why the laundry is still in the unplied basket.
This time is too much, you go lock up in your room, howl in a pillow and no one understands what's going on.
This state of overload is not to be taken lightly.
Even if after blowing a few minutes you feel better, know that this "little cracking" is an alert signal: burnout, depression, parental exhaustion are real pathologies which must be taken seriously.
Do not hesitate to ask for help from those around you or a healthcare professional.
Who is the parental load?
Moms?
Yes, it is true, mothers are generally more affected by the parental charge than the other parent.
The fact of having brought life, gave birth to the child often leads to a stronger feeling of responsibility towards the child and everything that revolves around.
From the first pregnancy follow-up meeting, we make the future mother understand the importance of her situation.
Very often, a lot of things are based on the mother: breastfeeding, follow -up, birth project, food restrictions, medical tests ...
In addition, in our society (in the process of deconstruction, of course, but there is a job) the woman is generally more likely to feel obliged to endorse responsibilities.
What about dads?
But fortunately, the fathers are investing more and more in their role, despite the few means made available to them.
Fathers are still too often perceived as "having to provide needs" and therefore returning to work quite early.
Little by little, mentalities are evolving, and dads are released from these archaic prejudices: a father can take care of a newborn baby, and his place is absolutely with his family!
In 2021, less than 1 % of fathers resorted to parental leave (part -time or total leave).
In 2022, 65 % of men said they were ready to become a home father, on the other hand, only 1.5 % of them went to action.
Still a little work to achieve perfect equality, but we will come back to it.
How to manage this parental charge?
Do not manage it alone (e) ...
Yep, easy to say, we know well, but this is the best advice to give.
So, yes, not everyone is in the same situation, there are single -parent or recomposed families, but the fact is that you do not have to manage everything alone.
Hey no, a friend, a neighbor, a aunt, a cousin, your partner, your parents ...
We are sometimes better surrounded than we think, and then we are not necessarily talking about daily help, but a girlfriend who keeps your child or takes him to the park while you take advantage of it to take a break, c 'is already something!
For couples: you are two, if your partner is not involved more than that in everyday management, maybe it's time to have a little conversation ...
Learn to delegate
This is one of the most complicated parts: we often tell ourselves that it will be done better and faster if we do ourselves.
Sometimes it is true, sometimes not, and the most important thing in the end: is that the task in question is done you do not believe?
So you have to learn to trust, once a task is delegated, we forget it is no longer up to you!
(Well yes, if you continue to think about the tasks you have entrusted to someone else the concept of parenting load lies all its meaning)
What about children?
The less it is better
So, yes, you let the date pass to register the Great during classical music on Saturday morning, it would have been so good for its development ...
And the youngest, the baby's spiritual awakening program is already complete for the year, hope that there is room in discovery of body expression!
In addition, we have not yet chosen what day of the week, we talk about English at home to awaken them!
Rest assured: they will go very well.
Above all, remember this sentence well: A child needs to be bored.
This is true, your children's brain is developing, nevertheless hyperstimulation can be harmful according to the personality of your children: some are likely to feel pressure, stress, fear of disappointing ...
Especially since by lightening their schedule: you lighten yours, and that means: more time together.
Isn't that the most important to transmit to them: the taste for simple things, family life, feeling surrounded, loved?
Household chores
Depending on the age of your children, they can at their scale participate in the life of the house, after all, they live there too, right?
So indeed, we will not ask the 8 month old baby to empty the dishwasher, but maybe your 6 year old son can put and/or get rid of the table?
Would your 2 year old little love dust with his little feather?
Even if sometimes by wanting to help us, we can have the feeling of "wasting time" (yes, at 3 and a half, folding the laundry is not particularly super fast) it is important to share these moments also with them.
Children are often full of surprises, and investing them in family life can help to infuse them a feeling of importance, confidence, pride.
You can, for example, appoint them household managers in their room, or set up a table of household chores to help them get involved.
We do not have an answer to everything, and this article is far from exhaustive, but we hope, however, that it will have allowed you to understand this:
A simple and happy life is worth all the clean and rowed houses in the world.
Let us return to the essentials, let's take advantage of our family and learn to let go of that which, in the end, is not so important.
Do not hesitate to write to us on cuckoo@lilikiwi.fr we will be delighted to have your feedback!